lilisan31

Where am I ? why am I here ? where is "here" ?

My mind is blank of memories, but i'm here, digging in the soil with my dead fingers, looking for some light that would guide me, just like what an insect would do.

I get welcomed by a cold wind cracking up my bones under the thin layer that is my jagged clothes. Everything is sinking in a scary darkness, the same darkness that surrounded me all this time.

I walk despite my rotten body, a body that was in the world of deads, to meet the person who never left my unconsciousness. The lights of the city from afar are alluring, pulling me towards you...The only person who is left for me...My love..

I growl some familiar sounds with my husky voice, I repeat them again and again while moving forward, in a world that rejected my existence.

Your name is Sato-...Shi?..

I feel my body getting heavy, this package that is carrying me to you is bearing this just to see your beautiful face again. Forgotten crumbs of my dusty memory remind me of that promise, of never letting go of you.

Are you holding a grudge against me for breaking my promise all these years?..

This unpleasant appearance wouldn’t be able to move without my unwavering willingness, this broken body is supposed to feel no pain. Why then?

Why do I feel deep down that I don't want to remember?...

Remember that last smile...the one you gave me when you were looking down at my numb body. It was like you were watching a bug struggling for its life in a spider web and knowing that it has no way out, you were smiling simply out of disgust for this insignificant being who dared to face you.

Were you seeing me like that too ? Is that why i couldn't rest in peace in the arms of an angel ?
when I woke up from this horrible eternal sleep, tasting what was my life by your sides. I think the little amount of humanity that was animating my body flew away.

Who am I ? ..it doesn't matter anymore.

Because soon i'm going to be by your sides again my love..and believe me..we're going to be together forever..

My body drags itself slowly, a body that's devoted for life to the person i loved. And it does not matter how much it's wasted, i'm going to bring it to you...

I come to you.. I love you so much you know?..

Even death couldn't take you away from me.

Now... Open the door please ~

Third drop ~

Passive in my bed, I contemplate the dancing shadows on the ceiling. In this darkness only broken by a few furtive traffic lights that constantly remind me of my situation, again and again.

The brightness of light of my life, the only one created in this world for me .. Now he shares my world, I have only one desire, to possess him completely. I feel different, something in me warms when he is next to me, the thought of seeing him again gives me strange sensations in the stomach. I'm not sure I like this kind of anatomical reaction, but I can’t help but be attracted by him.

Tomorrow .. Yes, tomorrow too, I’ll see him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He leads me in a too loud restaurant for my taste. Once installed, he feels my tension, and, awkwardly plays with his stainless cheap iron cutlery.

His finger smooth’s in a repetitive manner the blade of his knife, I become quickly obsessed, ignoring the words he can tell me. Only this gesture is important, my heart races deliciously and I understand that this demon asleep in me never really was.

My whole body shivers of apprehension. Every move on this bright surface gets me a hidden gasp.

Soon the unavoidable happens, he jumps, surprised, and moans in pain when his finger slips and he cuts his skin. I clench my jaw to hold back a groan. It's wonderfully erotic!

He brings his bloody finger to his mouth, sucking the blood, his tongue swirling around it several times, his face grimacing at the metallic taste for what I would sell my soul. I feel my member switching in a desire I know too well.

My hands are clenched against my thighs, I want him... So...

- Ohchan I'm sorry for being so clumsy. He mutters, obviously embarrassed because of this slight blush on his cheeks and his sheepish face.

This feeling of having your stomach invaded by a foreign body starts again, and disturbs my deep desire.

- Ohchan ..?

I suddenly realize that even when trying to hide my real thoughts, pretending to agree with our relationship as it is... There will always have a lack. This lack, which is a complete part of me and that I’ll never be able to send off to sleep.

My eyes dive in his, he is so beautiful, so perfect. Can I just keep on loving him? And for how long?

In a silence that surely rips what remains of my heart, I get up and tells him coldly before running away from him.

- I go.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Several minutes later, he calls me. I look around me, this sterile and empty apartment that characterizes me, causes my ultimate choice.

I pick up showing annoyance in my voice.

- O-Ohchan... It's been months that we see each other, but... I have the feeling that anytime I make a step toward you, you back off... Tonight .. I haven’t understood what happened... I...

We are not face to face, yet I can well picture his unsecure face, his trembling lips, his fingers twisted painfully on the unit, his legs taken by uncontrolled agitation.

I don’t know how to react..

My obsession that I feel growing more and more intense pushes me to run away. I don’t want to hurt him .. Will I hurt him?

The risk can’t be quantified, and the loss will be real. The distance I impose myself will keep him safe, no? As long as this balance of feelings will be proportional, then, I will not lose anything.

I don’t want to lose him..

"In this distorted world, I quickly became transparent and invisible.
Please don’t find me! Don’t look at me!
I don’t want to hurt you in a world that someone has drawn.
Remember me well separately. "

- Don’t try to join me anymore.

I hung up coldly, I’ll probably regret my action one day, but love is also about hurting? So I want to feel this pain fully, because as long as it will be there ... He also will be.

- Please don’t look for me..

First drop ~

Reddish beads roughly crush on my face, though, they come violently on my skin, they remain surprisingly warm, slowly flowing like a mother's touch. However, I have this straight face, this inhuman look, this coldness in my actions, which denotes fully with the joy I feel.

My actions can’t be explained, or just out of reach for the common man. This desire to have more, always more liquid, more and more red, more and more heat, more and more ...

I wipe my hands roughly against the rough fabric of sheets, but witout any real utility since they are already immaculate with a beautiful burgundy tinge. I almost feel like I have created a canvas on this fabric that was once white.

My body shivers of an indescribable pleasure. The moment I’m living... is so intense. I have my throbbing member in his cotton’s cage, begging for ecstasy! I finally grant it this macabre request. I stand up, overhang this piece of art I have modeled.

My hands just "unravel" the few soaked layers of clothes clinging to my curves, before finally grabbing my excitation. I whistle my pleasure, when my viscous hand touches the inflamed part of my body.

The room seems to spin around me, it’s in this delicious dizziness that I stroke my member quickly. Obscene wet noises resonate against the walls. This so pure liquid’s color in my eyes, allow my hand to slide so easily on my hardness. The sight of my bloody member does not scare me.. on the contrary, I am more than excited.

My fingers slide along my penis, scraping a few times the tip dripping of semen. I liquid can’t hold the moan of pleasure that literally comes from the bottom of my throat. It is so good !

I quickly lose the control, my fingers are almost burning against my tense skin. My eyes finally linger on the form lying on the bed, marred by a magnificent flaming red. This breathtaking beauty has finally cut mine.

I come abundantly in small whitish spurts which, in a mute poetry, fall perfectly on my work, signing it with my love, my passion for this magnificence.

I feel so good .. My body literally floats in serinity. I enjoy fully these moments of euphoria before reality comes to strike me again.

Let me float .. Again and forever .. In the "non-existence" that I translate by my presence.

The pleasure fades slowly while the need becomes grows. I get lost in my desires that always exceed more than reason.

If I'm not like the others .. then who am I?...

I finally drag my satisfied cleaned body out of this room which now brings me no pleasure, but only a feeling of emptiness ..

My phone vibrates slightly in my pocket, I pull it out with apprehension... It’s certainly him ..

"Please, tell me how it works ... Who is inside of me? In this screwed up world, you laugh without seeing anything around you."

- Ohchan are you free right now for a drink?

- Yes... right now.