lilisan31

Third drop ~

Passive in my bed, I contemplate the dancing shadows on the ceiling. In this darkness only broken by a few furtive traffic lights that constantly remind me of my situation, again and again.

The brightness of light of my life, the only one created in this world for me .. Now he shares my world, I have only one desire, to possess him completely. I feel different, something in me warms when he is next to me, the thought of seeing him again gives me strange sensations in the stomach. I'm not sure I like this kind of anatomical reaction, but I can’t help but be attracted by him.

Tomorrow .. Yes, tomorrow too, I’ll see him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He leads me in a too loud restaurant for my taste. Once installed, he feels my tension, and, awkwardly plays with his stainless cheap iron cutlery.

His finger smooth’s in a repetitive manner the blade of his knife, I become quickly obsessed, ignoring the words he can tell me. Only this gesture is important, my heart races deliciously and I understand that this demon asleep in me never really was.

My whole body shivers of apprehension. Every move on this bright surface gets me a hidden gasp.

Soon the unavoidable happens, he jumps, surprised, and moans in pain when his finger slips and he cuts his skin. I clench my jaw to hold back a groan. It's wonderfully erotic!

He brings his bloody finger to his mouth, sucking the blood, his tongue swirling around it several times, his face grimacing at the metallic taste for what I would sell my soul. I feel my member switching in a desire I know too well.

My hands are clenched against my thighs, I want him... So...

- Ohchan I'm sorry for being so clumsy. He mutters, obviously embarrassed because of this slight blush on his cheeks and his sheepish face.

This feeling of having your stomach invaded by a foreign body starts again, and disturbs my deep desire.

- Ohchan ..?

I suddenly realize that even when trying to hide my real thoughts, pretending to agree with our relationship as it is... There will always have a lack. This lack, which is a complete part of me and that I’ll never be able to send off to sleep.

My eyes dive in his, he is so beautiful, so perfect. Can I just keep on loving him? And for how long?

In a silence that surely rips what remains of my heart, I get up and tells him coldly before running away from him.

- I go.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Several minutes later, he calls me. I look around me, this sterile and empty apartment that characterizes me, causes my ultimate choice.

I pick up showing annoyance in my voice.

- O-Ohchan... It's been months that we see each other, but... I have the feeling that anytime I make a step toward you, you back off... Tonight .. I haven’t understood what happened... I...

We are not face to face, yet I can well picture his unsecure face, his trembling lips, his fingers twisted painfully on the unit, his legs taken by uncontrolled agitation.

I don’t know how to react..

My obsession that I feel growing more and more intense pushes me to run away. I don’t want to hurt him .. Will I hurt him?

The risk can’t be quantified, and the loss will be real. The distance I impose myself will keep him safe, no? As long as this balance of feelings will be proportional, then, I will not lose anything.

I don’t want to lose him..

"In this distorted world, I quickly became transparent and invisible.
Please don’t find me! Don’t look at me!
I don’t want to hurt you in a world that someone has drawn.
Remember me well separately. "

- Don’t try to join me anymore.

I hung up coldly, I’ll probably regret my action one day, but love is also about hurting? So I want to feel this pain fully, because as long as it will be there ... He also will be.

- Please don’t look for me..

First drop ~

Reddish beads roughly crush on my face, though, they come violently on my skin, they remain surprisingly warm, slowly flowing like a mother's touch. However, I have this straight face, this inhuman look, this coldness in my actions, which denotes fully with the joy I feel.

My actions can’t be explained, or just out of reach for the common man. This desire to have more, always more liquid, more and more red, more and more heat, more and more ...

I wipe my hands roughly against the rough fabric of sheets, but witout any real utility since they are already immaculate with a beautiful burgundy tinge. I almost feel like I have created a canvas on this fabric that was once white.

My body shivers of an indescribable pleasure. The moment I’m living... is so intense. I have my throbbing member in his cotton’s cage, begging for ecstasy! I finally grant it this macabre request. I stand up, overhang this piece of art I have modeled.

My hands just "unravel" the few soaked layers of clothes clinging to my curves, before finally grabbing my excitation. I whistle my pleasure, when my viscous hand touches the inflamed part of my body.

The room seems to spin around me, it’s in this delicious dizziness that I stroke my member quickly. Obscene wet noises resonate against the walls. This so pure liquid’s color in my eyes, allow my hand to slide so easily on my hardness. The sight of my bloody member does not scare me.. on the contrary, I am more than excited.

My fingers slide along my penis, scraping a few times the tip dripping of semen. I liquid can’t hold the moan of pleasure that literally comes from the bottom of my throat. It is so good !

I quickly lose the control, my fingers are almost burning against my tense skin. My eyes finally linger on the form lying on the bed, marred by a magnificent flaming red. This breathtaking beauty has finally cut mine.

I come abundantly in small whitish spurts which, in a mute poetry, fall perfectly on my work, signing it with my love, my passion for this magnificence.

I feel so good .. My body literally floats in serinity. I enjoy fully these moments of euphoria before reality comes to strike me again.

Let me float .. Again and forever .. In the "non-existence" that I translate by my presence.

The pleasure fades slowly while the need becomes grows. I get lost in my desires that always exceed more than reason.

If I'm not like the others .. then who am I?...

I finally drag my satisfied cleaned body out of this room which now brings me no pleasure, but only a feeling of emptiness ..

My phone vibrates slightly in my pocket, I pull it out with apprehension... It’s certainly him ..

"Please, tell me how it works ... Who is inside of me? In this screwed up world, you laugh without seeing anything around you."

- Ohchan are you free right now for a drink?

- Yes... right now.

3ème Goutte ~

Amorphe dans mon lit, je contemple les ombres dansantes sur le plafond. Dans cette obscurité seulement brisée par les quelques passages furtifs de phares, qui me rappellent constamment ma situation, encore et encore.

L'éclat de lumière dans ma vie, le seul créé dans ce monde pour moi.. Maintenant qu'il partage mon univers, je n'ai qu'une envie, tout posséder de lui.

Je me sens différent, quelque chose en moi se réchauffe lorsqu'il est auprès de moi, la seule pensée de le revoir me donne de drôles de sensations à l'estomac. Je ne suis pas sûr d'aimer ce genre de réaction anatomique, mais, je ne peux m'empêcher d'être attiré vers lui.

Demain.. Oui, demain aussi, je le verrai.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Il m'entraîne dans un restaurant beaucoup trop bruyant pour être à mon goût. Une fois installé, il sent ma crispation, et, joue maladroitement avec ses couverts de fer inoxydable de bas goût.

Son doigt lisse d'une manière répétitive la lame de son couteau, j'en deviens vite obsédé, faisant abstraction des mots qu'il pouvait bien me dire. Seul ce geste m'importe, mon cœur s'emballe délicieusement et là, je comprends que ce démon endormit en moi, ne l'a jamais vraiment été.

Mon corps tout entier frissonne d'appréhension. Chaque geste sur cette surface brillante m'arrache un halètement dissimulé.

Bientôt l'inévitable arrive, il sursaute surpris, et, gémit de douleur lorsque son doigt glissa de son itinéraire premier pour venir s'entailler sur la partie crantée. Je serre ma mâchoire pour retenir un gémissement. C'est merveilleusement érotique !

Il porte son doigt ensanglanté à sa bouche, l'exonérant de toute trace de liquide nacré, sa langue tourbillonnant autour à plusieurs reprises, son visage grimaçant au goût métallique pour qui je me damnerai. Je sens mon membre s'affoler d'un désir que je ne connais que trop bien.

Mes mains se crispent contre mes cuisses, je le désire.. Tellement..

- Ohchan je suis désolé d'être autant maladroit. Marmonne-t-il visiblement gêné de par cette légère rougeur sur ses joues et son air penaud.

Ce sentiment d'avoir l'estomac envahi par un corps étranger recommence, et, perturbe mon profond désir.

- Ohchan ?..

Je réalise soudainement que même en censurant mes véritables pensées, en prétendant être d'accord avec notre relation telle qu'elle est.. Il y aura toujours un manque. Ce manque qui fait entièrement partie de moi, que je ne pourrai jamais endormir.

Mes yeux s'alignent aux siens, il est si beau, si parfait. Puis-je seulement continuer de l'aimer ainsi ? Et pour combien de temps encore ?

Dans un silence qui m'arrache sûrement ce qui me reste de cœur, je me lève et lui annonce froidement avant de m'enfuir loin de lui.

- Je rentre.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Quelques minutes plus tard, il ne tarde pas à m'appeler. Mon portable s'illumine tout comme la définition même de cet être pour moi. Je regarde autour de moi, cet appartement stérile et vide qui me définit déclenche mon ultime choix.

Je décroche montrant de l'agacement dans ma voix.

- O-Ohchan ?.. Ça fait des mois que l'on se voit, mais.. J'ai la sensation que tu t'éloignes toujours plus lorsque je me rapproche un peu plus de toi.. Ce soir.. Je n'ai pas compris ce qu'il s'est passé.. Je..

Nous ne sommes pas face à face, pourtant, je peux très bien imaginer son air plongé dans l'insécurité, ses lèvres tremblotantes, ses doigts tordus douloureusement autour de l'appareil, ses jambes prises d'agitations incontrôlées.

Je ne sais pas comment réagir..

Mon obsession que je sens de plus en plus intense me pousse à le fuir. Je ne veux pas lui faire de mal.. Est-ce que je lui ferai du mal ?

Le risque ne peut-être quantifié, et, la perte, elle sera réelle. L'éloignement que je m'impose le maintiendra en sécurité n'est-ce pas ? Aussi longtemps que cette balance à sentiments sera proportionnelle alors je ne perdrai rien.

Je ne veux pas le perdre..

"Dans ce monde distordu, je suis rapidement devenu transparent puis invisible.

Ne me trouve surtout pas ! Ne me regarde pas !
Je n'ai pas envie de te blesser dans un monde que quelqu'un a esquissé.

Souviens-toi bien de moi de façon bien distincte."

- N'essaie plus de me joindre.

Je raccroche froidement, regrettant sûrement un jour mon action, mais, aimer, c'est aussi se faire du mal ? Alors je souhaite ressentir cette souffrance pleinement, car, aussi longtemps qu'elle sera là... Lui aussi le sera.

- Ne me retrouve surtout pas...